Attempts at Humor

During a contest to write a fictional obituary for the cast of LoadingReadyRun, I wrote an entry that people seemed to find amusing. I am archiving it below. (It makes more sense if you know something about the character and demeanor of vanHumpbeck.)

Morgan vanHumbeck, World-Renown Tantricist, Dies at Age 57

Morgan vanHumbeck, a Canadian artist who emerged from obscurity to bring respectability to the previously disreputable art of erotic massage, died tragically during an art exhibit in New York on Tuesday. He was 57.

Although his popularization of Tantric practices and invention of Porn-O-Vision brought him considerable fame, vanHumbeck was best known for the thirty-two-hour “Love-In” that restarted the Middle Eastern peace process and resulted in the Israeli-Palestinian Treaty of 2019, the accomplishment that ultimately earned him the Nobel Peace Prize.

VanHumbeck was performing a piece entitled “Cushion for the Pushin'” at the Metropolitan Museum of Art when the jumbo-sized sofa bed on which he was lying gave way, leaving him pinned under a mass of participants. Rescue crews rushed to the scene, but were unable to revive him. “He died as he lived,” reported one onlooker, “nude and covered in pudding.”

He is survived by six wives, four girlfriends, twelve mistresses, and approximately fifty children.

Services will be held in full pirate regalia at the One True Church of RAmen, Reformed, this Friday.


2 Responses to “Attempts at Humor”

  1. I think my college application essay also had something about resolving the Israeli-Palestinian issue. Now that I think about it, I should have adapted it when the ObaMessiah meme was getting big.

    Never heard of this dude though.

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